Meridian Herbal Trim Tea

There exist teas meant to assist with either weight loss or constipation depending on who you ask. They're generally referred to as "dieters' tea." To both myself and my fiance, they will forever be known as "poop tea."

Both my better half and I are in the midst of slimming down a bit in preparation for our wedding. We're running, going to the gym, and generally producing copious amounts of smelly laundry in the interest of looking as good as possible for the wedding and the photos that will be taken at it. Then one of her friends went and suggested this. 

It should be noted that my fiance detests vegetables or really most foods that could be considered "healthy" so this seemed like a good idea. I, the fool in love that I am, agreed to go on this adventure with her. Per her friend's warning we drank the stuff in the middle of the day to avoid being up all night visiting the toilet every hour or so since it was supposed to take a couple of hours to kick in. 

First, I should mention the taste. I'm not a big tea guy, or really a hot drink fan in general. I'll enjoy an iced tea every once in a while, but it usually comes in a can and is probably loaded with sugar and "fruit flavors." As such, the normal taste of tea isn't something I'm super familiar with nor is it something I find especially enjoyable. 

I don't know that this tea really tasted like much at all. I do know that it smelled like boiled grass shavings though. Like when you mow your lawn when it's still a little damp from the rain the night before but you don't want to wait to mow it because you won't have time later that week. 

It also didn't work. We drank the tea around 2:00 in the afternoon after we had eaten lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for the stuff to kick in. The "couple of hours" I mentioned before ended up being closer to twelve, with the tea finally doing its job in the middle of the night. Up until then, it had the opposite of the intended effect. I couldn't have pooped if my life depended on it. 

I have a pretty predictable bathroom schedule when it comes to defecation. I like that about myself. It makes my days easy to plan. This made the interruption of said schedule by this tea all the more distressing, not to mention the toxic sludge exiting my body at a time when I should have been muttering in my sleep.

"middleI've heard slash read that the tea causing a little constipation the first time you take it isn't out of the ordinary, but considering that it's literally supposed to have the opposite effect it's a little disconcerting. That it tasted like grass and took a couple days of my life before I got back to my normally scheduled poops didn't help. Some people sing the virtues of this stuff, but all it left me with was a dirty toilet and a whole lot of heartbreak.